Sagesse’s thoughts regarding the Source:
The Source that I know is not a selfish or controlling God. I’m not certain that it is a God at all. It is simply the Source. Its sense of justice has no preference for one man over the other. All are alike on the world. I am suspicious of any faith that insists on the impossibility of grasping the ultimate truth. Though I may never be able to fully express it to another, I must know it. I must know the truth of the world.
It was then that I knew that Sagesse was quickly turning the pages of his life, stumbling forward on his appointed path more steadily.
I must have some answer. I see so many happy people, many of my brother monks included, knowing nothing, seeking nothing, secure in their faith, believing that the Source is a god that can be appeased; a god that craves prayers and sacrifices, penance and praise. That is not the Source I am learning. The Source that I know is something real and present, something eternal, more original and more lasting than mankind. What I seek is to forget the illusion of happiness that comes with limited understanding. One religion is no better than the next if it be false in the slightest. I must embrace the Source that is Reality. I know it is here. I feel It. I see It. It is greater than myself and It is within myself.
. . . .
I cannot make the mistake of all men before me. I cannot find in the world some omen by which to understand it because every omen can be interpreted to suit the soothsayer. My visions in Mendhel’s hands are the work of daemons. In good Brother Gento’s hands they are further proof of the Source as he knows it. I cannot orient myself by interpreting beyond what I can know and see.
I seek the essence of reality. I have met in my short time in the world with many a man who seeks the meaning of life, but there is a deeper issue. I cannot solve the meaning of life or know life’s purpose without first understanding something far more basic. First I must know the meaning of the world and all the things in it. These men have sought the reflection of themselves in their creator. They place their own pettiness and humanity in the Source. They believe It sometimes angry, sometimes kind. They assign It desires. The Source that shows me the answers to the deep mysteries of the world does not desire my prayers or thanks or sacrifice. It does not want my soul. I cannot even satisfy myself as to the meaning of the word soul. Men find only themselves again when they seek to define the Source. I am no longer inclined to find a man or a face, a man who is not a man.
I look into the heavens and see the stars, beyond them other shapes: worlds beyond this world, constellations never named, perhaps never before seen. I look into the earth and I see the parts of it. The familiar parts: metals, parts of plants and animals, living creatures, living things of the smallest dimensions, a quintessence of dust, a part of things that is in everything that lives. I have no name for it, but it is there and I see it, and it is revealed. I look into anything known, and I begin to understand it. But the soul, alas I fear me, the soul I cannot see into. I cannot better define, understand, nor see the soul. Not even in myself.
But what I do see: so much, existence; a domain of reality from somewhere bending, a continuance of moments passing. From what remote point must they have all begun? I see so much in common in all things, so few basic parts making up the world, mingled in ways both intricate and trite. Does this affirm my faith? Or make a new one? Or does this destroy my faith entirely? What answers can be then, and what questions? More questions, always more.
There must indeed be some religion of religion. Religion is necessary. In our monastic lessons we learn of men who do not believe in the Source as do the monks of Westend. But the non-believers always do believe… in something. Never are we warned against the culture of men who do not seek or believe to have found some way to answer the questions that religion poses. There must be a system or a ruling mantra, a way to do right and discern right from wrong. There must be morality. On what is this morality based? Or is each religion based on the morality rather than the other way around? Farseeing cannot answer these. Deep understanding of the world alone cannot answer.
Brother Mendhel’s explanation of the Source:
“You want wisdom. Here is wisdom. Mysterious are the ways of the Source. It is the Source of all creation, the Source of all blessings. None are higher. Hallowed be the works of the Source, and hallowed be the places that the Source has given for Its blessings. Glory be to the Source for all that is good in the world.”
The Order of Flesh and Bone regarding the Source:
“If you seek an understanding of the nature of the Source, what better path could one venture than with the vessel blessed and bestowed unto us?” Grandmaster Berinius Du’Aprea